


You Didn't Have Wings

by 8The_Great_Perhaps8



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, Why does a teenage bird boy make me cry, hes so sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2018-01-08 13:46:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8The_Great_Perhaps8/pseuds/8The_Great_Perhaps8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were there first, and you don't see why you have to leave.</p><p>You hate being the less-than.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Didn't Have Wings

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is sort of a canon divergence, but I couldn't get Davesprite out of my head today. Lots of headcanons in here.

You used to be the original. Dave one. Alpha Dave. The primary expert on being Dave Strider. The one and only. You weren't the less-than bargain bin church sale Dave Strider with half its limbs removed by some sick old owner and an old faded paint job that someone tried to touch up with the wrong color. You were the fresh-off-the-shelf Target brand 29.99 plus tax brand fucking new with extra being human capabilities. You didn't have wings. You hate being the less-than silver medal consolation prize participation ribbon. "Hey, half of your friends are dead and the only other living person that talks to you is slowly becoming an alcoholic, but hey! Here ya go, a Dave Strider! It isn't alpha Dave, and it really isn't worth anything, but hey! He used to be part of the alpha timeline, and he used to be fucking good for something!"  
You really hate being the less-than.

****

People used to talk to you, and they weren't doing it out of pity. You even miss the fucking trolls. You know Rose only talks to you because you're the only other person who goddamn _understands_ what it's like to be useless and stuck in a goddamn doomed timeline that'll kill the both of you eventually. You asked her once if she wanted you to get her into her Land, but she told you that she didn't want to leave you alone there. You guess she's alone there now, and that makes your heart get tight in your chest and it makes you want to cry and scream and bleed and save her all at once and it makes your heart bleed and it makes you want to be able to cry when you tell the new number one alpha gold medal first prize Dave Strider that Rose Lalonde is alone in a universe and he tells you that he doesn't have any fucking time to think about her or to save her because Rose Lalonde should be everyone's number one priority because as much bravado as she has she's a thirteen-year-old girl alone in the universe who according to you found her alcohol too early and started dying the second you told her John was dead and no one gives enough of a damn because they have their own Rose here, a Rose who doesnt cry when you mention Jade or John because they aren't dead here.  
You really, really hate when people treat your Rose as less-than.

****

But do you know what _really_ stings? You saved everyone. It was you. You're the one who kept Egbert from fucking destroying alpha timeline you. You're the literal reason Rose Lalonde is alone in her universe. You're the reason that you exist. That' slight, it's past/future you who went back in fucking time to fucking save everyone else's ungrateful ass. You fucking locked yourself into your pathetic, useless existence so there's no goddamn use fucking whining about it. As a matter of fucking fact, you were the fucking person fucking taught alpha timeline you how to use the fucking timetables, which _you_ managed to fucking prototype without any goddamn help, but fucking alpha timeline you needed about a hundred goddamn clues before the fucking thought of manipulating time popped into his fucking head. You're the fucking person who didn't fucking go back for Rose Lalonde. You're the fucking person who stopped even fucking look for a way to fucking get back to her so that you could fuckking get her out of that goddamn doomed timeline. You could have fucking found her and you know you could have fucking found her and you could have fucking saved her, but you fucking didn't and you feel like a literal sack of shit about not trying to save her when you could have fucking done it. The worst part is that it was your fucking idea to fucking jump in the fucking sprite. You fucking became yourself, your fucking sprite, because you couldn't have fucking thrown something else into the goddamn first tier fucking sprite besides your own fucking self. After all Bro fucking taught you? You fucking jumped into a goddamn sprite and you had so much else you could have fucking prototyped instead. But no. "Hey, let's go jump in a sprite! Sound like fun?"  
You cannot fucking _stand_ the fact that it' stour goddamn fault that you're less-than.

****

Your heart fucking twists at this Rose, whose messages to Dave you used to read over his shoulder. You hear about his your Rose became part of her, and your heart warms up because Rose got out your Rose is out your Rose is safe your precious precious Rose is safe she's fucking safe, she's fucking part of this Rose and that means she's fucking safe. Your heart kind of breaks when you talk to Rose though, because it isn't your Rose and you can't pretend she's your Rose because she isn't, and she tries her best, you know, but she isn't her, she doesn't fucking remember you, your Rose is gone she's fucking gone you'll never fucking see her again because fuck fuck fuck god dammit she fucking vanished and you wish you didn't have to blame yourself but god dammit if it doesn't make your chest hurt like a bitch when she asks if she can talk to Dave and she realizes her mistake a few seconds later, you can tell by the light purple text that starts scrolling down the screen but you don't fucking care you just give it back to Dave and he laughs at her slipup and you know that the message that he fukcing sends her says don't worry _dont worry he isnt me_ and it makes you want to cry.  
You fucking despise it when he fucking rubs your face in the fact that you are not, in fact, Dave Strider, you're just a stupid orange bird sprite that doesn't fucking matter to anyone and that you're less-than.

****

What makes you fucking seethe and makes you so fucking angry and so fucking sad and so fucking pathetic and like such a fucking hero all at the same time is the way John _fucking_ Egbert treats you like you're such a fucking idiot and such a fucking dick and such a fucking consolation prize and participation ribbon and a fucking bargain bin marked down to 50 cents you could steal it and no one would give a shit Dave Strider. And you know why he treats you like you're such a fucking idiot and a fucking dick is because you fucking are, you pull shitty pranks on him and when you talk to him you sound like you're constantly taunting him and you can blame half of that on the fact that you're fucking half crow and crows always sound like they're making fun of you but you have to admit you are making fun of him and you are a dick to him and you do pull shitty pranks on him but you don't fucking know how else to fucking act around John Egbert and you want to fucking tell him that you fucking love him and you've fucking loved him since you first met him when you weren't loving Rose but you know you can't say that because you know that he's "not a homosexual" but he's your best fucking friend and you want him to be more but you can't do that you can't do that to regular you you can't do that to John you can't so that to your John or your Rose because it' still betrayal.  
You hate it when the person you love makes you feel like a less-than.

****

You dated Jade for a while, and she' she only person from your universe you never loved and you missed her so much even though she isn't your Jade you missed her green text and her emoticons and how she's constantly cheerful and you try to tell her every time you see her that you love her oh god Jade you love her so much but she tells you one day "you know davesprite it's not really working out between us no hard feelings right :)" and it made you want to fucking cry but instead you acted like a fucking douchebag and you made her cry and you made it so you were the jerk and you tried to tell her sorry but why would she let you do that you're too fucking useless to fucking do anything much less apologize to your fucking girlfriend who you'll never tell was your everything and you hear John screaming at you a few days later when Jade tells him and when he finds the note you gave him because of course now he hates Con Air and why the fuck can't you do anything right anymore.  
You are so fucking broken and you hate knowing that you're less-than.

****

You run away one day, when John is asleep and Jade isn't there anymore and you fucking fly away like the fucking feathery coward you are and you swear to god you can't spend one more minute staring at the girl you once loved or the boy you never told god dammit you're just a kid you're still just a kid you stopped fucking aging after you turned into a fucking sprite you're only thirteen you're a thirteen-year-old orange bird ghost who isn't Dave anymore and if that doesn't sum up your shithole of a life you don't know what does because god dammit you're just a sprite you're just a stupid thirteen-year-old kid who fucked up and jumped into a sprite instead of throwing something at it god dammit you shouldn't have to deal with this.  
You hate when you remember why you're less-than.

****

You're training for the battle, even though you're just a stupid bird ghost. You're training to save them.

****

You were there first, and you saved everyone's life, and no one wants you to be there. You don't want you to be there. The human version of you, who is the actual Dave Strider, doesn't want you to be there, and your girlfriend doesn't want you, and Rose doesn't want you, your precious, precious Rose Lalonde doesn't want you or remember you, no one wants you, but you'll save all their asses anyway.

****

You think that maybe after the game you'll turn back into a crow since you can't go back to being you.  
You'd take nonexistence if that was an offer, too.

****

You used to be important. You used to matter. People used to tell you how much you mattered. People used to tell you that you were important to hem. People used to thank you when you did things for them. They didn't look at you with disgust for stealing their face and they didn't hate you for not knowing how to act and they didn't want you to die and they didn't hate you for breaking their heart after they broke yours.  
You're thirteen, dammit, and you don't understand anything.

****

You didn't used to be a winged asshole or a sprite or a fucking useless guide that no one likes. You were there first, and you don't see why you have to be less-than.  
You can't stand being less-than.

****

You were never the real Dave Strider, you realize a few weeks after you absconded from the boy you loved. You weren't there first, and you were always less-than. The only reason you managed to get the fuck out of that shithole of a timeline was to save the real you.  
You aren't you. You aren't even a good copy.

****

You're still 13, dammit, you're 13 and you're dead and nobody fucking cares.


End file.
